Hey Palmetto Family — Courtney’s dad here. I’ve been a fan of these “Palmetto Piece” reflections since they began, and when I asked Courtney if I could write one, she graciously said yes. So here goes.

As a father of three wonderful adult daughters — all of whom I’m still close to — I wanted to share a bit of wisdom that shaped our parenting years. Over 35 years ago, my wife Cheryl and I were given one simple piece of advice that became our guiding principle:

Protect the relationship.

We always believed in providing structure and discipline at home, but we also wanted to nurture our daughters’ personalities and independence. That balance wasn’t always easy — especially when our standards for order clashed with their creative energy.

Take their rooms, for example. From our perspective, they looked like disaster zones. From their perspecitve, the “piles” were part of an organized system that fueled their imagination. Determined to enforce cleanliness, we set strict rules about how their rooms should look. But soon, those rules became battles — daily reminders that left us frustrated and them feeling nagged.

Then we remembered our principle: protect the relationship.

We decided our connection mattered more than the state of their rooms. So, we backed off. We agreed that the common areas of our home would stay tidy but gave them freedom behind their bedroom doors. We talked about respect, responsibility, and discipline — but most importantly, we started talking again. And those conversations changed everything.

As our relationship grew stronger, something unexpected happened — their rooms got cleaner. We’d find ourselves cleaning together, laughing about school, friends, or life. I even remember a mysterious carpet stain one daughter insisted looked like something symbolic. I can’t recall what it was — but I remember the laughter.

Protecting the relationship didn’t mean lowering our standards. It meant lifting connection above control. And in the end, that choice built trust, closeness, and love that has lasted long past their messy-room years.