Sometimes my children are angels who shock me with their sweetness and thoughtfulness, and other times they behave like raccoons eating out of the trash with zero shame. The holidays make this contrast even more dramatic, and it can be hard to know what level of politeness is realistic to expect from kids, especially when they are surrounded by extended family, excitement and a whole lot of sugar. Lowcountry Etiquette shared a few simple principles to help guide us through the season without expecting perfection.
Their first reminder is that good manners always start with respect, even for the youngest kids. Children can learn that chewing with their mouths closed helps others enjoy the meal, waiting for the hostess shows appreciation, and opening the door for someone with full hands is simply being kind. Please and thank you still matter, especially when kids are caught up in holiday fun and gifts. Gratitude takes practice, and involving them in helping others in the community is a beautiful way to reinforce it. During meals, even little ones can practice putting a napkin in their lap, keeping elbows off the table and learning to greet adults with eye contact and a smile. These skills take repetition, patience, and lots of gentle reminders, but they build confidence for years to come.
So the night before your big thanksgiving meal, pick one or two expectations you have for your kids and help them to practice it! Here are some helpful suggestions with age categories.
Ages 3–4: The Learning Years
At this age, politeness is mostly about small wins and very concrete actions.
• Use "please" and "thank you" when prompted.
• Sit at the table for a short amount of time (even 5–10 minutes counts as a success).
If they say something cute or mildly chaotic, that also counts as participation
Ages 5–6: The Practicing Years
These kids can handle slightly more structure, especially with reminders.
• Put their napkin in their lap and keep it there for part of the meal.
• Greet family members with a wave, smile or simple "hi," even if they are shy. Kids can initiate a high five or hug if they feel comfortable.
Bonus if they try tasting one new food, but we don't die on that hill.
Ages 7–9: The Polite Helper Years
This is when expectations can grow a bit.
• Participate in simple conversation by answering a question like "What are you thankful for?"
• Help clear their plate or carry one small dish to the kitchen when the meal is over.
The important thing for parents to do is make simple expectations clear. Don't be afraid to teach your kids how to be extra polite at the dinner table!